I really tried to love this book. I really did. I found the quality of writing lazy and rushed, the only highlight was the ending which I found to be just ok. So that’s what I’m rating the book as. Just ok.
Often times I take at least an hour or two to pick out books I want to read so I can enjoy what I read. This is one of those books I avoid when I spend that time searching. This is a testimony that I should keep doing that. But the ending was okay. The fluff was ok if you consider there to be any.

Julia struggles with the sudden tragic death of her sister as well as her own depression while feeling trapped in a family that needs her to fill the "perfect daughter" role that her sister had held. And Julia begins to realize that her sister, Olga, had her own set of secrets and might not have ever been what the family believed her to be.

All of this plays out over a tumultuous two years in which Julia grieves while finishing high school, having her first romantic relationship, and trying to find her voice in a place she feels like she never truly fits in.

The pacing was slower than expected at first, and it really took about half of the book before it hooked me. The mystery of what was going on with Olga is not entirely the payoff that it at first seems to set up, but I did appreciate that the plotline was resolved in a way that felt both ambiguous and very real.

The details of setting and culture, both in Chicago and Mexico are excellent, and the characters are multifaceted with most of them showing growth and change as the story moves along. The main character's voice in a nice mix inner-city tough and intellectual, and she is easy to root for even when making some very bad decisions.

I felt like the ending didn't completely resolve all of the character tension, but still managed to leave things off on a good note.

A story of dichotomies that pulled me in both directions at once, but that thankfully finds a peace in the middle.
Poor, Mexican girl meets upper-class white boy.  Older sister who seems “perfect” and quiet and reserved, but whose secrets reveal a girl that was not as she seemed.  Younger sister who is loud and imperfect, but whose secrets remain deadly if they aren’t revealed and dealt with. 
Parents whose dreams of life in the US lead to heartbreak, and a daughter who needs to return to Mexico to find her own dreams.  An older generation that wants their children to have it better, yet doesn’t want them to change.  A younger generation that wants change, yet doesn’t want to disappoint their parents.  
And no one talks about their feelings or listens until they are forced to!  A push and a pull between two countries, two sisters, two generations, and a whole lot of emotions! 

disclaimer: I don’t really give starred reviews. I hope my reviews provide enough information to let you know if a book is for you or not. Find me here: https://linktr.ee/bookishmillennial

I really appreciated 15/16-year-old Julia Reyes's messy personal development in this young adult coming-of-age story. Julia tells this story in first-person, past-tense POV, and this is a character-driven, slow-paced story that explores identity, grief, authenticity, and what it means to live. I am not Mexican, but I do share the identity of being a first-generation child of immigrants, and in that particular light, I deeply related to Julia's journey, especially the generational differences that threatened to dismantle any relationship she had with her mom or dad.

The story takes place in Chicago, IL after Julia's older sister Olga dies in a tragic car accident as she was crossing the street and distracted by her cell phone. Julia always felt she lived in Olga's shadow, as Olga was *the* "perfect Mexican daughter," and in the wake of her death, that shadow only grows. Her distinctions from Olga are under even more scrutiny, and it is a devastatingly heavy burden to bear. Julia was never the obedient daughter, she hated learning how to cook with her mom, and she constantly challenged her parents' authority. Her mom consistently calls Julia "ungrateful" and uses guilt as a way to shame Julia for not making her parents happy. It is painful to read, as it felt very familiar; the constant exhaustion of knowing that nothing you do will ever be enough to pay back your parents who overcame unimaginable trauma to come here feels insurmountable at times.

However, I admired Julia for speaking up and being so incredibly bold and glib. I recognize many people have called her "unlikeable" but I found Julia to be so authentic when I look back on my own teenage experience, pushing and pulling between being a first-generation kid who wanted to do well by their parents, but also wanted to be trusted and have a "normal" American teenage life. To talk back to my parents meant even more autonomy being taken away. That was something I rarely did as a teenager, because I was so scared of consequences. For Julia? Consequences be damned! Is she a bit flippant and ignorant sometimes? Absolutely. She made offensive comments like "hookers" and "gangbangers," but I also think that's representative of a young, angry, frustrated kid. Her phone would be taken away and she couldn't go to the library, and yes, she put up a stink, but she constantly advocated for herself, and I think she more confidently found her voice in therapy too.   

There is a subplot of romance between Julia and Connor, which was illuminating for Julia, since she is mostly "inexperienced" as the story begins. I appreciated the argument that Julia got into with her friend about Julia being "uptight" and acting like she was too good for anything. We look for "yes men" and people who will become an echo chamber as friends, especially when we're young as we are rediscovering who we are. However, her friend didn't let Julia walk all over her or proclaim to walk through life as the only "right way". I don't know if that makes sense but this one interaction really spoke to me, and there are so many moments like this throughout the novel which force Julia to confront who she is, who she wants to be, and what that means regarding how she spends her free time, her relationship with her family, college, and writing as an occupation. 

The final reveal of the secret life Olga was leading was sad but also satisfying for me to read, because it only affirmed to Julia that Julia would never live up to the "perfect Mexican daughter" ideal, because even her seemingly perfect sister wasn't. Some of it was an act, and she had to hide parts of herself in order to protect optics and make her parents proud. I appreciated this because it brought Olga down to earth, rather than being this unattainable ideal as Julia always thought she was.

This was a powerful narrative about Julia discovering not only herself, but the ways in which the world around her operates, and I highly recommend it to anyone. 

content warnings are listed below! 

leer este libro me causó tener una crisis emocional porque relacioné mucho con julia y el tema de los cosas que gente de primera generación navegan, especialmente sobre la identidad y que confundido es para nosotros porque ningún lado nos acepta completamente T__T