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ammarahw's review
2.75
I liked the structure and felt like the book was readable but I didn’t like the ideas in the book. I found the way that the author talks about cheating to be a little ridiculous.
Below are some specifics from the book:
She talks about her affairs as though she had no choice and everyone eventually has a crush on a coworker or relapse with an ex, and then in response, emails them, talks to them outside of work and generally just tries to spend more time with them. I thought that was crazy advice to give people. Maybe being attracted to someone is normal but you can choose not to engage with them beyond just doing your work or what’s polite. Especially because she makes it clear her husband and her are monogamous and don’t want one another to have affairs outside of their marriage.
As I was reading it sounded like it wasn’t even that she really liked the guys as much as she liked the thrill of the affair. I found it so hypocritical given the subject of the book
Below are some specifics from the book:
She talks about her affairs as though she had no choice and everyone eventually has a crush on a coworker or relapse with an ex, and then in response, emails them, talks to them outside of work and generally just tries to spend more time with them. I thought that was crazy advice to give people. Maybe being attracted to someone is normal but you can choose not to engage with them beyond just doing your work or what’s polite. Especially because she makes it clear her husband and her are monogamous and don’t want one another to have affairs outside of their marriage.
As I was reading it sounded like it wasn’t even that she really liked the guys as much as she liked the thrill of the affair. I found it so hypocritical given the subject of the book
cmloia's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
reflective
slow-paced
2.5
The tone of the book was quite different from what I was anticipating (but it's been on my TBR for years, so maybe that's a fault of my memory). It was very sincere, where I was expecting more humor. I did enjoy a few of the toasts and Calhoun's reflections on marriage, but perhaps my own unwed status made it a little too off the mark for me.
annarenas's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
This is for all my girlies who want to commit 100%. And I felt so heared. Because commitment doesn't come that naturally to me (does it to anyone?). About the beauty of choosing someone every day again and again and promising to never give up on the other person. The beauty of promising to experience a lifetime with someone. To always stay curious about what other version of themselves they will become.
readingcities's review against another edition
3.0
Some strong essays, and the author's surprisingly frank discussion of marriage and monogamy is refreshing, but overall I found the tone to be smug and self-satisfied. Despite having married and divorced in her early twenties before entering her current marriage at 28, Calhoun seems to view herself as some kind of marriage guru, and her writing suggests that she views marriage as a stepping stone into adulthood, something single or merely "coupled" but unmarried people are incapable of fully experiencing.
I was disturbed by this interview with a "Father Hartt":
"So many people I know by all rights should have been married. They're sad. They're alone. They're hurt. They're angry at all the sexual passing along...So let's have another reason for marriage. Even people who are divorced have a certain dignity around the fact that that had happened." He goes on to discuss the idea that marriage is a public recognition of the "preciousness" of individuals and their unions, and that the "cultural disposability" that never-married people may experience may be alienating - but I honestly can't tell whether he (and Calhoun) are being critical of this situation, or viewing it as another point in favor of marriage. More time could have been spent developing this concept.
I was disturbed by this interview with a "Father Hartt":
"So many people I know by all rights should have been married. They're sad. They're alone. They're hurt. They're angry at all the sexual passing along...So let's have another reason for marriage. Even people who are divorced have a certain dignity around the fact that that had happened." He goes on to discuss the idea that marriage is a public recognition of the "preciousness" of individuals and their unions, and that the "cultural disposability" that never-married people may experience may be alienating - but I honestly can't tell whether he (and Calhoun) are being critical of this situation, or viewing it as another point in favor of marriage. More time could have been spent developing this concept.
nicole_roccas's review against another edition
4.0
Really well written. Sad to find out the author and her husband divorced after this book was written.
enzsch's review
funny
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
I expected this to be kind of mid but it actually eats. Like she has good and nuanced takes and this book expresses them pretty well and concisely. I especially like her takes on cheating and open relationships, I think the way that she describes the huge pull of wanting other people is really accurate and not something that people generally talk about, and I also loved how she still leaves room for the fact that this thing that might not seem hugely consequential to you and would take a lot of will power to resist could hurt your partner a lot (or not! I guess I will figure out eventually). I think it also rings true that commitment is so much about the will not to get divorced and appropriately elevates that in comparison to wanting the same things, and being inherently compatible.
Could have soooo easily been cheesy and cliche but I thought it was not.
Some chapters were not novel
Could have soooo easily been cheesy and cliche but I thought it was not.
Some chapters were not novel