I owe my reading and owning of this book to Filipino poet Ned Parfan, who suggested it to me when I submitted a poem about gay love amid the darkness of the cinema to a creative writing workshop where he served as a panelist.

This collection is seminal, one that documents how it was to navigate desire (in a city) as a Filipino homosexual. Although it lacks lyricism, the straightforwardness of the writing style and, therefore, the narrative equips each poem with impact that only homosexual men can fully understand. The poems speak of the experiences of gay Filipino men searching for love and affection in the dark, as well as freely expressing oneself in a country where homosexuality is almost never welcome.

Aside from the cruising and effeminacy, what’s notable about the poems here is the way gay men look through their lives through the lens of shame. That is, before they can truly feel happiness, they have to suffer humiliation from both the oppressive society and their fellow gay men.

I wasn’t surprised upon realizing that my opinion about this book hasn’t changed years after I read it for the first tome. Even after I have discovered that I’m acespec, the queer experience Nestor de Guzman dramatizes here doesn’t feel distant.