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A review by tramaine
Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationsh by Stan Tatkin
4.0
Wired for Love is a solid book on creating strong secure relationships with partners. I found several big take-aways.
Its explanation of the primitive parts of our brains and how they unconsciously scan for danger is enlightening. Once danger is perceived our "primitives" react quickly, which can often lead to conflict with others. Tatkin provides ways to support overriding our primitives to allow our "ambassadors"--the parts of our brains more prone to building healthy social relationships--to guide our way.
Tatkin highlights the need for what he calls the "couple bubble" which describes a way for partners to be come dependent on one another for love and support. He encourages partners to put the needs of the relationship before the needs of self, knowing that the needs of the self will be addressed in the context of a healthy relationship. He also describes the need for partners to place each other above everyone else and to turn towards each other before anyone and anything else.
Tatkin also describes attachment theory to give partners a sense of how they relate to each based on the love, security, and support they may or may not have received as children. This understanding allows couples to truly know each other so that they can support and soothe one another, provide a safe and secure space to thrive together.
Wired for Love a little short and the chapters seem to get shorter as you progress. It's as if Tatkin ran out of steam while writing. If the later chapters were more fleshed out, it would have given it a higher rating.
All in all, this is a good read. I recommend it to everyone who's interested in learning more about themselves and their partners to improve their relationships.
Its explanation of the primitive parts of our brains and how they unconsciously scan for danger is enlightening. Once danger is perceived our "primitives" react quickly, which can often lead to conflict with others. Tatkin provides ways to support overriding our primitives to allow our "ambassadors"--the parts of our brains more prone to building healthy social relationships--to guide our way.
Tatkin highlights the need for what he calls the "couple bubble" which describes a way for partners to be come dependent on one another for love and support. He encourages partners to put the needs of the relationship before the needs of self, knowing that the needs of the self will be addressed in the context of a healthy relationship. He also describes the need for partners to place each other above everyone else and to turn towards each other before anyone and anything else.
Tatkin also describes attachment theory to give partners a sense of how they relate to each based on the love, security, and support they may or may not have received as children. This understanding allows couples to truly know each other so that they can support and soothe one another, provide a safe and secure space to thrive together.
Wired for Love a little short and the chapters seem to get shorter as you progress. It's as if Tatkin ran out of steam while writing. If the later chapters were more fleshed out, it would have given it a higher rating.
All in all, this is a good read. I recommend it to everyone who's interested in learning more about themselves and their partners to improve their relationships.