“[…] You stink, piano teacher, you just can’t imagine how bad you stink.”

Jelinek manages to take a fantastic set of characters and a challenging, thought-provoking plot and make it the most sloggish, pretentious, meandering novel I’ve ever read. Don’t even bother with this, watch the movie instead. And that’s so moronic of me to say, but I’m really beside myself. I am usually appreciative of the qualities of both mediums- The Shining for example is both an amazing book, and film with equal merit in both. Sadly, there is no merit whatsoever to this book, point blank period. The way Jelinek writes seems as if she’s intentionally toying with the reader’s patience, and frankly, I don’t have the time for that. The prose is erosive and grating, very very tough to read. Also- a SHOCKING amount of piss play. No thank you!

PS, never use the word “asparagus” in reference to man’s genitalia.