so the main character is whiny, snarky, and so repetitive. i know that this guy isn't supposed to be a great intellectual but the writing isn't compelling. i suppose it’s trying to really drill in his body-obsessed transformation but that's hard to listen to for hours. maybe speed reading the book would've made this an easier read. i was going to give it 3 stars for repping male body dysphoria and being #ownvoices but then i got to the author's note and wished i had just read that instead of wasting hours on the story. so yeah, i guess i just didn't like it. as someone else points out, it totally reads like an after-school special.

one more thought -- this book made me think of heroine by mindy mcginnis several times while i was reading it. a high school student who dabbles in something they know they shouldn't but think they can stop but it gets away from them. but heroine is written really well. maybe this style of writing appeals more to male readers? i saw someone a comparison to jason reynolds. but i didn't get that at all.