This is the story of a man trying desperately hard to live a life so fast that his thoughts and feelings can't catch up with him. A man so concerned with his sense of self that he loses himself entirely. Ray Goldman is painfully self-conscious and wields an arrogance that springs from a genuine fear of inferiority and not mattering in some grand way. Everything he does is meant to both build himself up and destroy himself, and he does both in splendid fashion.

I enjoyed the journey this book took me on and the author's distinct style of writing. He clearly admires the beat writers (specifically Kerouac) but does not seek to emulate them, which I was thankful for because I couldn't fucking stand "On The Road". Sentences tended to run on, and the metaphors could get quite complex, to the point that I found myself re-reading whole paragraphs because I just didn't get it. I loved the author's use of opposites and contradictions to highlight how the things we feel often go against what we think we should feel.

This is not the kind of book I am usually drawn to. Stories of existential crisis and nihilistic self-defeat don't usually interest me as I feel they are mostly told from a place of smug superiority. This story comes from a place of real struggle. The author's struggle to go through the teeth-gritting pain of being honest with himself and reconciling that self with the one he has put forth to his fans and loved ones. This struggle played out in a conversation between the main character and an old friend, but I read it as an internal argument that the author was having with himself.

I felt that I gained a better understanding of Every Time I Die (the author's band) through reading this book. I was constantly reminded of the song Wanderlust, specifically these lyrics: "When they unearth these passages, will I appear to be proud? Not if you're listening close enough. Not if you're sounding it out." Chapter 23 opens with a consideration of the letter/word "I": "My entire world was in that letter, all my sadness, all my jealousy, all my guilt, and all my strength." Is this a reference to the "I" that is often used as a symbol for ETID? Perhaps.

As a fan of Every Time I Die, I couldn't resist this peek into the inner workings of Keith Buckley's mind. As a fan of great books that introduce me to people unlike any others I've met before, I was wholly satisfied with Scale.