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A review by fiandaca
The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Everything and Why We Pretend It Doesn't by Susan Maushart
3.0
This book was published in 2000, and while mostly well-written, there was a lot in it that I could not relate to. Is that because it's ten years "out of date" or because I'm not the type of woman who puts on the mask of motherhood? I don't know, but I'll just give public thanks here and now to Maushart and every feminist woman who came before me who has made my journey as a mother easier. I also give mad props to my partner 'cause he's a great dad and co-parent.
The chapters on pregnancy, labor, and breastfeeding were hard for me to relate to because I do not feel I was lied to or that people weren't honest with me about these issues. Perhaps the masking of all these truths is part and parcel of going more of a mainstream way of giving birth? I wondered why she would choose a male obstetrician at all (but I went the complete opposite way and opted for home birth with a midwife). Or maybe it's just out of date information.
I related better to the chapters on juggling one's various roles and on effects of children on a partnership/marriage, but I have a much more equal partnership than most people I know and so the struggle to balance all parts of our lives affects us both (the author highlights how little most men's lives change after they become fathers, in contrast to the vast changes in women's lives after they become mothers). I did see some parallels as to children's effects on a partnership, but in my case I think it actually helped my partner to step up and take on a much bigger role as a homemaker and co-parent (we were less egalitarian before we had kids). What has changed for us is our closeness to one another. Maushart describes how big a shock this change is for couples who are older, more highly educated, and who have professional jobs before having children. Apparently, we feel so entitled to our various achievements, and are so used to being in control, and having a professional sense of self that having one's life turned upside-down by kids is like being hit by a tidal wave (yeah, that's true).
There are some crazy quotes in this book: (from page 148) "Breast feeding her babies would have been, for my mother, a bit like plowing over our immaculate suburban lawn to plant vegetables." (Hilarious! I love my nursing relationships with my kids and I am sooo in favor of plowing over lawns to put in vegetable gardens!)
(from page 169) "Breast feeding is essentially a vestige of a hunter-gatherer way of life. The wonder is not that it grafts so poorly onto industrialized minds and bodies, but that we persist in trying to graft it at all."
(also from page 169) ". . . breast feeding is nothing less than a culturally subversive activity." Too tired to hunt down the others, and there are some that I did identify with, but they weren't as fun to highlight as the ones above about nursing.
The chapters on pregnancy, labor, and breastfeeding were hard for me to relate to because I do not feel I was lied to or that people weren't honest with me about these issues. Perhaps the masking of all these truths is part and parcel of going more of a mainstream way of giving birth? I wondered why she would choose a male obstetrician at all (but I went the complete opposite way and opted for home birth with a midwife). Or maybe it's just out of date information.
I related better to the chapters on juggling one's various roles and on effects of children on a partnership/marriage, but I have a much more equal partnership than most people I know and so the struggle to balance all parts of our lives affects us both (the author highlights how little most men's lives change after they become fathers, in contrast to the vast changes in women's lives after they become mothers). I did see some parallels as to children's effects on a partnership, but in my case I think it actually helped my partner to step up and take on a much bigger role as a homemaker and co-parent (we were less egalitarian before we had kids). What has changed for us is our closeness to one another. Maushart describes how big a shock this change is for couples who are older, more highly educated, and who have professional jobs before having children. Apparently, we feel so entitled to our various achievements, and are so used to being in control, and having a professional sense of self that having one's life turned upside-down by kids is like being hit by a tidal wave (yeah, that's true).
There are some crazy quotes in this book: (from page 148) "Breast feeding her babies would have been, for my mother, a bit like plowing over our immaculate suburban lawn to plant vegetables." (Hilarious! I love my nursing relationships with my kids and I am sooo in favor of plowing over lawns to put in vegetable gardens!)
(from page 169) "Breast feeding is essentially a vestige of a hunter-gatherer way of life. The wonder is not that it grafts so poorly onto industrialized minds and bodies, but that we persist in trying to graft it at all."
(also from page 169) ". . . breast feeding is nothing less than a culturally subversive activity." Too tired to hunt down the others, and there are some that I did identify with, but they weren't as fun to highlight as the ones above about nursing.