First, let me tell you that I am writing this from Urgent Care with an IV suck into my left arm that is delivering me fluids because my ginger ass is severely dehydrated from the amount of tears I shed from this book.

KIDDING. I am kidding… Only about urgent care and the IV but let me tell you, the tears flowed down my face like a plenty while reading this.

When I read the blurb my collar fetish tingled at the mention of a priest, don’t judge me. I’ve read some really hot priests in erotica. Anyway, when I finally opened the book and read the first chapter and just like with another priest who I misjudged in romance, I was sat on my ass fast as I realized this story was going to tear me apart and I geared my inner masochist up for the challenge.

Told in the dual POV (thank you authors so so so much for that) we get to know Father Jasper Hendricks and Nicholas “Nico Blue” Blumfeld where they currently are in their lives. Nicky is fresh from tour and rehab, needing a safe place to be to get better while Jasper is happy leading his parishioners of the Catholic Church and running the LGBTQ center for foster kids but when the one and only love he has ever had, aside from his God steps back into this life, things change.

God owned his soul, but Nicky would always have his heart. Even if they could be no more than friends, God had reunited them for a reason.

What I love most about this story is the respect it has for religion. Jasper is a priest, he is a man of faith and he loves his life. Yes, he once loved the boy next store and has never forgot him but he honors his vow made to God. I won’t jump on my soap box here with religion and as an ex-catholic get into the politics of the antiquated beliefs of the church with their priests, but I will say the religion aspect of this romance was done beautifully, respectfully and honestly. To think there are not openly gay priests in the world would be naïve and just listen or read a few things from the current pope to get an idea of where the Catholic Church could be headed. What this book represents in hope for those priests, I hope happens sooner than later.

While the blurb states Jasper is an out and proud priest that is not what you think it to mean when you read those words. He is out and does not hide his sexuality but he is a priest and is celibate. I believe there can be men of the cloth like Jasper. I know that the priest of my church as a teen was different than any priest I knew or have known. He was a modern thinker though he taught us what he should from the bible. He let us be teenagers and have questions that he would answer. He knew about popular shows, music movies and books. We teased him respectfully and it taught us that he was human. That though he was a priest, that he was Father Craig and yet, that he was also a man. That is what Jasper is. He's human and trying to live his life and obey his vow to God. Now I am not a believer in blind faith but I can tell you, had I known more priests like Father Craig or Jasper, I wouldn't have left the Catholic religion when I needed it most.

And while some may not buy the out and proud priest, why can't we hope for that? Why can't we read a wonderful story and instead of raising our first at the improbability of it, nod our heads, say a reverence of Amen! and hope that the day will come.

Anyway. *jumps off soap box she hadn’t indeed to be on*

Jasper isn’t just the one that got away and left Nicky for another man. Well he did but that man is God, that other man is faith and how do you fight that? How do you fight for the love you so desperately want and know in your core, it’s not your choice? It’s not like he can walk up and physically fight for the Jasper’s love… like any true form of love, it has to come freely and that is where this story gets oh so wonderfully angsty.

Funny thing: they were always you, and never you, and it never meant a damn thing, but it always motherfucking hurt.

This book did a number on me. It left me with the best feelings you can get from a book, it left me with hope that love can prevail above all obstacles. I mean, isn’t that why we read romance? To read about people falling in love and fighting for that love to be happy? It’s why I read, it’s why I will debate and argue that it’s not a flippant genre, that it’s substantial, it’s relevant and it’s oh do wonderfully powerful because it’s romance. Not in spite of it.

He wanted him to have every beautiful thing in the world without waiting. And he wanted to be there to give it to him.

So while this was angsty and made me cry numerous times, there was also humor in the story. Sure, it comes out when you don’t expect it but Jasper and Nicky have a history and it began with a friendship. The boys were friends who shared all their firsts and then were torn apart. I loved the way we got their history, it wasn’t in flashbacks though told from each man and how they remember it. Hindsight is a bitch and sure, we have all done things that now, given what he know and maturity, would do different. But you can’t go back, you can only move forward and make decision based on who you are and where your heart lies.

“After everything, even knowing where we are right now, you can’t really think of me as a priest, can you?”

“I shouldn’t think of priests the way I think of you.”

I won’t go into detail of the story, it’s too beautiful to spoil but I loved it. I adored every wonderfully crafted word, every scene with the boys and every scene with them apart. I am in love with Nicky’s mother and goodness, to think of having to watch your child go through the things he has and not be able to help him. As a parent, that tore my heart inside out but I loved how supportive both she and Nicky’s father were of him. No matter what. Unconditional love is some powerful stuff, of that I can tell you.

Once again, this story was amazing. The writing was gorgeous, flawless and sucks you in so damn fast that you don’t do anything but read this. You don’t work, you forget to eat and the world simply falls away until all that is left is you and the words on the page. That is what a good book does. It transports you. It consumes you and you are IN the story. Yeah, I’m rambling but that’s what I do. This book has me in knots that I don’t want to untie anytime soon.