Picked this up to learn more about sexual function and dysfunction in women. It definitely educated me on several topics I had not thought about prior to reading the text. It also provided tools to use in further educating oneself and others about female orgasm. The author made me feel as if I was a graduate student taking her course which was comforting. Overall, an excellent text that can be used for anyone wanting to learn about language to use, best practices in female orgasms, and how to communicate about them.

Мені цю книжку порадили як приклад нон-фікшну, який просуває фем-оптику, але не агресивно, а м'яко. Тому, власне, я і взяли її в руки для цього, а не для практичних порад.
Спочатку книжка здалася мені занадто сфокусованою на гетеросексуальних стосунках, я навіть думала, що зніму за це зірку. Втім, авторка чудово пояснює, чому ця книжка саме така, та і загалом: тези, які ця книжка пропагує, дійсно дуже важливі, ким би ви не були: чоловіком, жінкою, лесбійкою, геєм чи асексуалом.
Мені сподобалося, що ця книжка - не лише набір практичних порад (певно, вони чудові, але я не оцінювала), а й дещо більше. Вона про статус жінки в суспільстві, про нерівність, яку нібито легко подолати, але вона досі є.
Наявність розділу для чоловіків - теж чудова риса.
Тому так, це дійсно дуже важлива книжка. Навіть якщо ви вмієте кінчати або вас не цікавлять оргазми - тут чимало відповідей і слушних думок щодо інших питань.

Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters - And How to Get It
By: Dr. Laurie Mintz

This was an impulse grab from the library so I didn’t particularly realize that this book was geared specifically for women until I got a couple chapters in, and yet I benefited from this book immensely anyways.

Coming from a very ‘Sex is Taboo’ culture, even if a good portion of this book isn’t for me the mere reading of it helped demystify perfectly normal aspects of human biology and nature. AND, portions of it really were just as much for me as they would be for anyone assigned female at birth. Despite having gone through sex education (US, public school, so nothing too impressive) and despite having taken an actual Psych 1000 human sexuality course in college, I somehow still held certain myths in my brain that just had never been addressed before. And the biggest one, the topic of the entire book; that female pleasure comes from penetration (it doesn’t) just was always hemmed and hawed about, even by professionals paid to teach about this kind of stuff specifically.

Why can’t we be specific about this kind of stuff? Just say unambiguously that only 4-5% of women can orgasm from penetration alone. That it’s normal for two partners to achieve orgasm at different times rather than the Hollywood mutual climax. That mutual pleasure doesn’t come from the size of your bits but through mutual communication and clitoral stimulation in addition to penile.

It’s kind of funny, because I now think that it’s perfectly obvious things that I had never heard of before picking up the book. In fact, I hid the cover of the book when first reading it, embarrassed to be seen reading it, only to realize that that behavior is kind of the problem in the first place.

Good book. I’m glad I read it, and I’m glad (even if it was semi-accidental) that I read a woman-written book, for women, about women. Because I get the impression that if you mess up that trifecta, you’ll start to get some miscommunication leaking in.

This should seriously be required reading for all females and heterosexual males. Amazing.

My favorite part was turning on my car with my friend in it and having the audiobook immediately say, “Get a vibrator”

4 ⭐️s.

If you have a clitoris, this is probably a book you could get something out of. Regardless of your current knowledge level, I think most people would find at least a few bits of helpful wisdom within these pages, as well as resources. I liked that there was a condensed chapter for men at the end, that way you can pass it along to help them become more cliterate as well.

I think the original title of this book may have been “Becoming Orgasmic” because that’s what I was searching for when this title popped up instead (I love to read books on sexuality whether it's to improve my own or to pass on information to my students and children). While I am already orgasmic and fairly cliterate, I still found the topic to be of interest and the book to be quite good. It is definitely geared to young women who may not have a lot of years of sexual experience, but the content is still pretty strong.

Sextion One: I like Mintz’s analysis of how our culture promotes the idea that male orgasm is more valuable and normal than female orgasm, and also myth that the “proper” and normal way for women to orgasm is through vaginal penetration. I do feel there’s a whole layer of feminist analysis that goes with this that she shied away from in a way that implies a lack of courage. But whatever.
Sextion Two: I liked that she provided visual imagery and lots of references for other, more accurate and realistic visuals, and encouraged a hands-on exploration of the body to increase the reader’s familiarity with anatomy.

Sextion Three: This section, with an emphasis on hands-on exploration and play, is likely to be a helpful section for many people. In “the most important action step for orgasm,” I found it interesting that Mintz emphasized so strongly that women need to fully understand their own path to orgasm and teach that specific way to their partners. Perhaps this is particularly true to those who have fewer years of sexual experience, or those who have had a particularly difficult time orgasming. But my understanding is that many women can orgasm in a variety of positions/manners as long as clitoral stimulation is part of it. Furthermore, our desires and tastes change, not only as we age, but also with different partners. Knowing what we like and being confident about sharing that is important, and I think it’s also valuable to continue exploring and to be open to new pleasures.

Although the section on general communication is pretty brief (there are entire books dedicated to communication), it is distilled into some very helpful chunks. I found the subsection “Let’s Talk Sex” to be underwhelming. On page 166, Mintz writes, “Now let’s turn more specifically to how to get your sexual needs met.” But she doesn’t actually list any specific ways to do this. She offers up some different levels of conversation that people can have, such as “kitchen-table sex talks,” “provocative,” and “in the midst” (and more). She gives some general outlines of where/under what circumstances to have these conversations, but doesn’t offer much specificity in how to have them. For example, many women know what they want but may be unpracticed with or uncomfortable with the terminology. Mintz offers no suggestions for getting more comfortable with sexual vocabulary or how to check on what terms one’s partner(s) is/are comfortable with. Instead she offers this type of sentence, “I think it would help me get turned on if you . . .” In other words, she is leaving some of the most specific and sometimes difficult to articulate language out of her example. In the “Let’s Have Sex Talks” section, the only thing she really articulates is that we all, in one way or another, plan to have sex and that there is nothing unromantic about planning it. In the “In the midst” section, she encourages women to make noise during sex, but fails to note that doing so, when it is not authentically felt, can just add another layer of performing to an act that for many women is already filled with too much inauthenticity. All that said, there is still some very good information in this section.

Sextion Four: This part focused more on myth busting, which I suspect will be helpful to many people. I was disappointed, however, in the section on “sexual troubles” on page 185 in which Mintz assures everyone that men orgasming within 2-10 minutes (presumably of stimulation) is not a concern at all. While it may be true that many men orgasm quickly (just as many women take longer to orgasm), leaving it at this is not likely to be helpful to women who enjoy having sex with men. This implies men should just go ahead and orgasm within two to ten minutes, which is likely to further lead to unsatisfactory sex for women who enjoy vaginally penetrative sex. In this section and in the later cliff notes for men, Mintz could share some common practices that many men already use to delay their orgasms, such as pausing during intercourse and then resuming when the urge has lessened, or even turning to a different sexual activity and returning to intercourse later. Not to mention there are a plethora of books on tantric sexuality that offer suggestions for delaying ejaculation or even having non-ejaculatory orgasms.

On a related note, while I am fully in support of everyone valuing women’s orgasms as much as men’s, I do think Mintz makes too much of orgasm in some ways. Even for women who orgasm regularly and reliably, they may not orgasm every time, and for many people, orgasm is the icing on the cake but they still absolutely love that cake! I am a huge proponent of tantric perspectives on sexuality, as they often emphasize being fully present, embodied in one’s sexuality, mindfully noting and valuing all pleasurable sensations, and eschewing orgasm-focused sex in favor of following the path of pleasure (which often still includes orgasm!).

Sextion Five: It’s great that she did cliff notes for men!

I found this book really empowering, illuminating and edifying.
At this point in my life I consider myself pretty sex literate but I still found a lot to learn here both about my anatomy and my own (mis)conceptions about sex. For example, I had a real ah-ha moment at the part that talks about how strange it is that we consider oral sex and clitoral stimulation to be mere “foreplay” which prepares us for P in V intercourse when, for many, this is the main sexual event.
I recommend this to any vagina/vulva-haver and their partners.
The book is inclusive of same-sex relationships but loses a star for its very binary cis-centric view; ie. People with vaginas = women, people with penises = men.

Shame is stupid!!!

This one was fun and scientific and empowering.