I love Carrie Fisher just spoke her mind on whatever she wanted to. Reading this the day after she died makes me really regret missing my chance to see her at a Comic-Con, but listening to the audiobook probably captures a lot of what that experience was like. The chapter on conventions is a bit uncomfortable to hear from her perspective, but interesting nonetheless.

I enjoyed the section about her early life, and as a former angsty 19-year-old girl, the poetry from her Star Wars diary felt a little familiar in how Very Important everything was. Glad that was a fairly short section though...

Also lots of casual asides about mortality that resonate a lot differently than I imagine they would have a few days before.

I don't love Star Wars but now I love Carrie Fisher.

Closer to 3.5. I enjoyed Fisher's sardonic wit, conveyed especially Well via audiobook, but the journal entries were painful and not entirely necessary. Yes, she was 19 when she wrote them. Some things we write at 19 just shouldn't be published. Otherwise, it was a bittersweet listen and worth the time.

oh, my heart

Poignant, Hilarious, and Sad

God, I miss Carrie. Larger than life didn’t even begin to cover her. I laugh all the way through this and then want to cry. Gah. Why did I do this again?

This is painfully awkward writing - with the awareness that it must be so. But ugh. I found myself scanning through the diary entries.

The later part, where she talks about her relationship with fandom and the comments about how aging intrudes in the fantasy. ... when I read that I openly wept here in the ferry station in Uruguay... I wish she had been around to see how first gen female fans saw General Organa as a role model we could use in our own middle age. We are not defined by our waistlines.

Okay, this is going to be an unrated, strange little review.

Disclaimer(s): I did not finish listening to this and only got about half way through. (2) I am not a fan (not to say I didn't like her, just that I never watched anything with her except 1 movie), I was interested in this mostly because of the legacy she left and I wanted to get to know her posthumously. (3). I'm not rating it because it feels weird to rate someone's personal life, it feels disrespectful. Who am I to judge her?

This review is mostly my feedback - so to say - about the portion of the book that I listen to on audio. I got to chapter 26 on before I decided to stop because I was a little bored and I was no longer interested. I just did not like most of what I heard.

Reasons for that, I think:

1. I did not know much about Carrie except what has been in the news (gossip columns really) ever since the Force Awakens came out. Her advocacy for mental health, her status as a Star Wars icon, and her drug use, also her dog, and of course the affair. I think this book is meant for the fans who adored her, more than for people who want to get to know her, as I think the assumption was that you knew about her already. Especially because of:

2. The Affair with Harrison Ford. The book - or the large chunk that I listened to -was all about the affair. I do not like cheaters. I do not like affairs or reading about them or sympathizing with cheaters. The large part of the account, however, was Carrie justifying her own and Harrison's behavior. She was a 19-year-old, bored, inexperienced girl who wanted to have some fun, a whirlwind affair. He was a 30-something man, a rising movie star, who was married and had two little children. There is no excuse and no justification for either of their behavior, considering she knew he was married and she clearly states before she begins this story, she never wanted to end up in this exact situation because her father cheated on her mother. And she did not want to be the other woman, and yet, it's exactly what she does - knowingly. Her only defense is her naivete and youthful stupidity. He was an older guy, married, with two little kids!! He has no excuse.

3. Harrison the Jackass. I don't know Harrison any more than Carrie (he is a very private man), but I am a huge fan of his Indiana Jones series. Carrie tries very hard to be gracious, but she still inadvertently makes him out to be a total asshole, while making excuses for his behavior (which only made it worse in my opinion). The way Carrie tells it, Harrison was also looking either for a quick romp or an affair, and he settled on her because she was young, pretty, the only girl on set, and he mistakenly thought that she was experienced enough not to get attached or get any ideas. To me, the way she talked about him, he almost seemed... predacious (an older man purposely seeking out a younger girl to fuck). Otherwise, he intimidated her, completely ignored her at all times except when they were sleeping together, even then he didn't talk to her, they didn't have conversations, but he didn't talk much to anyone, she didn't understand him, or ever know what he was thinking or what he wanted. Carrie seemed very much like a young, naive actress being taken advantage of.... however, she makes it very clear that she knew what she was doing. She kept repeating that she was not expecting anything but a little fun, that she knew that he was not in love with her and it was all about sex, and that he would never leave his family for her. And yet, there was a bit of an implication that she was in fact kind of expecting it, waiting for him to see her, and fall in love.

4. The Justifications. As she is telling the story, it's very clear that at this point, she is looking back at her youth and trying to understand why she did the things that she had and try to justify them as a now older and more experienced woman. Her goal, while telling the story - was also to protect Harrison - even while kind of making him look like an asshole. I think precisely because she knows that if she didn't, that's exactly how people would read it: older man taking advantage of a younger woman. So the justifications, explanations, and defenses of Harrison were constant. Especially when after a brief argument, he realizes that she is not, in fact, a slut, and is a very inexperienced young woman and gets super upset. Carrie says that it's because, as an older man, he was in large part responsible for his behavior. (I bet it was then he realized how it would look to other people if the affair was discovered and the fact that maybe she was expecting something from him and that scared him shitless).

So in conclusion, I just did not like this book at all, in any capacity. Sure, Carrie had a good voice, but even the storytelling was a bit muddled with her constant justifications and now older and wiser insights. I think I will try to see her other works though.

I listened to the audiobook and I cannot recommend it enough. Just to hear Carrie again made my heart so happy.

Throughout the book I continually thought to myself, “Wow she’s a normal human with normal insecurities and normal thoughts.” To say this memoir in it’s entirety is relatable is an understatement.

I miss her terribly and I thank the stars above that we were able to have this last glimpse of her in this work, that at times was laugh-out-loud funny and regularly all too real.

Couldn't finish. Not well written, not that interesting.