This had me feeling like I was on a rollercoaster for most of it, from the bigger reveals to even the smaller call backs. I think the only thing that felt a little lacklustre was the resolution, which was this huge subplot that seemed to be shifted, even slightly. Overall a great read. 

This started off quite slow, and it took more than half the book for me to really become invested. I ended up enjoying it as the mystery of what happened to Connor kept me engaged, but it was a very slow-moving novel.

The past has never left Billy. It’s just been waiting for him to come and find it…

It’s been over thirty years since Billy last called Northern Ireland home. Back then, his secret love for schoolfriend Conor was the only shining light that kept him going during troubled times. That is, until their romance was tragically cut short when Conor disappeared without a trace.

Now a phone call draws Billy back home when his mother falls into a coma. While sorting through old belongings, he stumbles upon an envelope bearing his name. Inside, he finds a mysterious note and a mixtape left by Conor – dated the very day he disappeared in 1989.

But who sent it? Why did his mother keep it hidden? And what really happened to Conor?

As Billy sets off to find the answers to a mystery that’s followed him for years, he soon realises that uncovering the truth about his lost past may come at a high cost. But laying the ghosts of that past to rest might be the only way to finally set himself free…


If, like me, you read and loved The Vanishing of Margaret Small, which was Neil's debut novel, you'll be delighted to learn that his follow up novel does not disappoint!

The way that he brings us fully formed, believable characters with whom we can fall in love, and depict all the joy, sadness and nuance of all kinds of human relationships is all, once again, to be discovered between the pages of this novel.

It is the most bitter-sweet of stories, dealing with themes of love, loss and grief; family and friendship; sexuality, religion, and being true to yourself, set against the wider backdrop of The Troubles in Northern Ireland, then, later on in present time, and it dips backwards and forwards between the dual timelines as the story unfolds.

Your heart goes out to Billy who is carrying so much unhappiness: estrangement from his mother; grief at the loss of Conor; the shame he was made to feel because of his sexuality, at the hands of his Stepfather; the impact of losing his job after being made redundant, and his cheerless, humble little flat in Margate.

We are rooting for him every step of the way as he endeavours to unravel the 30 year old mystery of Conor once and for all, and we delight in his reignited friendship with Aine once he returns to Northern Ireland. 

Billy is a triumph of a character, but so too are the others found in both his past and present. Neil Alexander's characters are always superbly realised and I suspect he's a real people watcher and a shrewd observer, from the way they all have their little mannerisms, sayings and tics.

Whilst the novel tackles some really meaty and emotional issues, it is packed with humour, and the change of tone and mood are all handled with lightness and expertise. So many scenes and interactions make you laugh out loud - from dancing round the handbags with the irrepressible Tall Trudy, to Billy's 16th birthday party. Comedy gold.

With the 1980s setting, and the music of that era, the nostalgia is huge for any reader who lived through it - it's a real trip down memory lane - and as it ends on a sense of hope for Billy after all the years of sadness and confusion, this bitter-sweet story leaves you with a whole new set of unforgettable literary friends, and will live long in your memory. It was an absolute delight to read, and I need to say a huge thank you to Katie, at Embla books, for my #adgifted copy.

An interesting and engrossing dual timelines story following Billy's life during the late 80s and now in the 2020s.
The book covers the troubles, but also section 28 and the LGBT movement in Northern Ireland and how people from the community were treated during that time.
I enjoyed Billy's story, his complicated family life, but with the balance of his friendship group and support network. The added mystery storyline surrounding Connor was heartbreaking, but very well written and thought out and kept me guessing until right to the end.
If you love 80s music then this one has mentions of so many that either passed me by or I'd forgotten and it will leave you scrolling through playlists on Spotify.