This book was published in 2000, and while mostly well-written, there was a lot in it that I could not relate to. Is that because it's ten years "out of date" or because I'm not the type of woman who puts on the mask of motherhood? I don't know, but I'll just give public thanks here and now to Maushart and every feminist woman who came before me who has made my journey as a mother easier. I also give mad props to my partner 'cause he's a great dad and co-parent.

The chapters on pregnancy, labor, and breastfeeding were hard for me to relate to because I do not feel I was lied to or that people weren't honest with me about these issues. Perhaps the masking of all these truths is part and parcel of going more of a mainstream way of giving birth? I wondered why she would choose a male obstetrician at all (but I went the complete opposite way and opted for home birth with a midwife). Or maybe it's just out of date information.

I related better to the chapters on juggling one's various roles and on effects of children on a partnership/marriage, but I have a much more equal partnership than most people I know and so the struggle to balance all parts of our lives affects us both (the author highlights how little most men's lives change after they become fathers, in contrast to the vast changes in women's lives after they become mothers). I did see some parallels as to children's effects on a partnership, but in my case I think it actually helped my partner to step up and take on a much bigger role as a homemaker and co-parent (we were less egalitarian before we had kids). What has changed for us is our closeness to one another. Maushart describes how big a shock this change is for couples who are older, more highly educated, and who have professional jobs before having children. Apparently, we feel so entitled to our various achievements, and are so used to being in control, and having a professional sense of self that having one's life turned upside-down by kids is like being hit by a tidal wave (yeah, that's true).

There are some crazy quotes in this book: (from page 148) "Breast feeding her babies would have been, for my mother, a bit like plowing over our immaculate suburban lawn to plant vegetables." (Hilarious! I love my nursing relationships with my kids and I am sooo in favor of plowing over lawns to put in vegetable gardens!)

(from page 169) "Breast feeding is essentially a vestige of a hunter-gatherer way of life. The wonder is not that it grafts so poorly onto industrialized minds and bodies, but that we persist in trying to graft it at all."

(also from page 169) ". . . breast feeding is nothing less than a culturally subversive activity." Too tired to hunt down the others, and there are some that I did identify with, but they weren't as fun to highlight as the ones above about nursing.

now this is a good book about the complexities of motherhood. it is bleak and that stands in contrast to our prevailing sentimentality when it comes to feelings about mothers and babies. so i think her contention may be shocking to some.

but i think this is such an important book because of its unique voice. her argument is basically that many realities of motherhood are far different from what pregnant women are led to expect and childless adults know. for example, pregnancy is not always wonderful; nursing is painful and very complicated & frustrating for many women (at first) and has some drawbacks that the breastfeeding books never mention; taking care of a newborn is utterly overwhelming; splitting the domestic duties and striving for a truly egalitarian marriage is next to impossible; and the process of becoming a new mother is shockingly transformative: it's not just that you acquire a new baby- you become a new person.

it sounds depressing but it's really not. it just provides some real-life balance to the unrealistic beliefs we collectively share. i think it contains invaluable information for new and expecting moms. knowing that so many of these feelings are common is likely to make moms feel less guilty, wrong, inept.

(it is also well-written and researched.)

The Mask of Motherhood is a eyes-wide-open look at the wide-ranging and longterm effects of motherhood on women. It covers pregnancy, labor and delivery, relationship with spouse or partner, career prospects and societal recognition.

A lot of what The Mask of Motherhood has to say is not positive, and, frustratingly, there was little recommendation to change it. However, I feel that it's likely that much of what this book says is true - women are fed a pack of lies about what pregnancy and birth is like, from health care professionals, from books, and from each other. We are told we can "have it all" with the words "if you don't sleep" hidden silently behind the promise. Having a child should change our relationships and our focus, but it seems un-politically-correct to say so. This book wasn't kidding - there really is a cone of silence in which we women don't or won't share our experiences in order to effect change.

The Mask of Motherhood is an important read for all women - those who are already mothers, who will become mothers, and those who have no interest in having children. Perhaps not all of us will mother, but all of us have a mother, and it's through that shared experience that this book can enlighten.

Interesting theories and examination of the mask of motherhood. At times it was unrelatable or as if the author went too far to prove her point. Some material seemed a bit outdated.