Well... it was better than [b: Attached|9547888|Attached The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love|Amir Levine|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1311705552s/9547888.jpg|14434316].

I don't know what to say about this book. On the one hand, the chapters that focused on attachment styles and how our brains work was great to read. The science seemed solid. I especially liked the lists of practical things you can do and say to help you develop a healthier relationship with your partner no matter the attachment style. I felt that he was much more respectful of avoidant types than the Attached book. I really liked the stories about the couples (bonus points for giving us hypothetical queer couples, too). I felt that I finished this book with specific information I can actually apply to my life and my relationship. To me, that's the whole point of a self-help book, so he nailed it in that regard.

On the other hand, once we move away from the discussions about attachment styles, the latter chapters are just straight up relationship advice and it gets... a little sketchy?

There's some seriously unhealthy shit he encourages in the second half of the book that I found to be really intense and not at all the kind of blanket advice a psychologist should be giving to couples. There was so much talk about your partner being your primary source of support and telling each other EVERYTHING and having go-to lines you can say to make your partner feel better.

First of all, you can't make your partner feel anything or do anything, a psychologist who specializes in couples (and is writing a whole damn book specifically aimed at couples!) should know that. Second, the "couple bubble" sounded a whole lot like codependency. And the illustrations only seemed to support that. Third, this is a book about attachment styles. He acknowledged that for people with insecure types something like being very emotionally intimate with a partner would be extremely difficult. And yet, he insisted that that was the way to go if you want to be in a healthy, happy relationship.

Don't even get me started on the chapter that insinuated that physical touch and long periods of eye contact can heal physical ailments and that partners should always sleep together in the same bed and wake up and go to bed around the same time. It didn't have anything to do with attachments, really. It really rubbed me the wrong way.

So I'm not fully recommending this book. The attachment parts were great, like I said, but the rest is not good.

I really appreciated the easy to understand way Tatkin broke down more complicated neurobiological concepts, and attachment styles. That said as a clinician, I couldn't help but think about how this kind of emphasis on the "couple bubble" at the expense of all else can foster unhealthy behaviors, especially when considering abusive relationship dynamics.

Therapist recommended. :)

Kinda cheesy at times, but A+ recommendation. Good suggestion, therapist.

Not quite what I thought it was, but a very interesting book.

Wired for Love is a solid book on creating strong secure relationships with partners. I found several big take-aways.

Its explanation of the primitive parts of our brains and how they unconsciously scan for danger is enlightening. Once danger is perceived our "primitives" react quickly, which can often lead to conflict with others. Tatkin provides ways to support overriding our primitives to allow our "ambassadors"--the parts of our brains more prone to building healthy social relationships--to guide our way.

Tatkin highlights the need for what he calls the "couple bubble" which describes a way for partners to be come dependent on one another for love and support. He encourages partners to put the needs of the relationship before the needs of self, knowing that the needs of the self will be addressed in the context of a healthy relationship. He also describes the need for partners to place each other above everyone else and to turn towards each other before anyone and anything else.

Tatkin also describes attachment theory to give partners a sense of how they relate to each based on the love, security, and support they may or may not have received as children. This understanding allows couples to truly know each other so that they can support and soothe one another, provide a safe and secure space to thrive together.

Wired for Love a little short and the chapters seem to get shorter as you progress. It's as if Tatkin ran out of steam while writing. If the later chapters were more fleshed out, it would have given it a higher rating.

All in all, this is a good read. I recommend it to everyone who's interested in learning more about themselves and their partners to improve their relationships.

Loved this book. Real good information about attachement and how it works in a relationship. Clear and good examples and metaphors to understand and translate useful information. I just recommended it to a friend getting married to help build a secure relationship that will last. Everyone getting married should read this book first. (even though I hate shoulds!)